A genetic counselor explained that we could consider abortion. It was a perfectly normal choice to make, especially since we did not know what the outcome of the pregnancy would be. The effects of Turner Syndrome could be extreme or they could be mild, or the baby might not survive the pregnancy. Most Turner Syndrome babies do not survive. In fact, about 98% of them die in the womb. Or, the baby could have Down Syndrome. The only way to be sure was to do an amniocentesis. We were convinced that this life was precious to God, no matter what the outcome. In an instant we realized we were being asked to choose....and if you had a choice, what would you do? We chose to keep the baby and not end her life through abortion. Not only did we chose, but we ASKED God to deliver her safely to us. There was no need to do the amnio test because regardless of the outcome we would keep the baby.
The news that something is wrong with your baby is quite startling for a pregnant woman. The shock and sadness resemble the same emotions felt when a loved one dies. And in a sense, there is a "death" of the "perfect" baby you imagined. I went through a period of disbelief and grief, unable to eat and sleep. I took pleasure in eating the bakery cookies from Tom Thumb in Fort Worth. But the greatest joy came from worshiping the Lord, and pouring out my heart to him in desperation and in adoration. We felt surrounded by his love and mercy.
Now, I did not know whether to plan for a baby shower or a funeral. I was concerned about getting gifts I might not need. But in faith, we proceeded to prepare for her birth. My doctor was not yet convinced that she would make it full term. At each visit the fluid-filled tumor on her neck was measured, and her heart was checked. Her life could only be sustained by the power of God. Several times I experienced strong contractions and worried a miscarriage was coming. We prayed for the fluid to stop collecting in her limbs, we prayed that the fluid would not spread to her abdomen, we prayed for the tumor on her neck to diminish, and we prayed that she would be born. There was nothing more we could do but wait.
At this point, God did tell me this in Psalm 27:13-14: "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord." Although my despair was great, I found it fading daily as I trusted God and waited for him to do something. Everything was in HIS hands, not mine. I took his promise that we would SEE his GOODNESS....somehow, someway, and in some time. Regardless of the outcome of this pregnancy, God would be glorified.
Our daughter is now 7 years old. She loves reading, playing piano, speaking Hungarian, and playing with friends. She really loves people and always initiates conversations, which opens all sorts of opportunities. She is gifted in her linguistic and verbal skills. She blesses people with her friendly smiles and big hugs. I can't imagine if her life had been extinguished because of my fears, my ignorance, my lack of trust in God, or wrong beliefs about children with special needs.
All life is precious. Everyone, regardless of abilities, deserves a chance to live.
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